Enrico tells us about his choice to not have children, which he took independently over the years and which he then shared with his wife. A choice that is still a topic of discussions with his family and which at times makes him feel far apart from his old friends.

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ENRICO: «My name is Enrico, I’m 49 and I’m married, married with no kids. This decision not to have children came about naturally, it has always been that way. I can’t remember to have ever wished to have a child. This decision was shared with my wife. We realised that regarding this we felt the same way on the matter.
My decision wasn’t at all influenced by my “normal” family: four children, all very different from each other, but rather by the fact that we weren’t very close. Both my parents worked, we had to look after each other, different ages, everyone had their needs, maybe I lacked that feeling of a close-knit family that I saw in other families. Growing up, with my friends, clearly you go out with your friends, they got married before I did, had children and they changed. Maybe this change scarred me a bit, seeing that once you have a child you have to dedicate your existence to them. It’s normal, you wanted it and it has to be that way. Not only I didn’t feel the need to devote myself to another person, but I also just enjoy being with my partner, my wife, living our lives, without needing to change. Maybe this hypothetical change would’ve led to something neither of us would have wanted. Even trying to get together with our old friends for a movie or a pizza and they’re constantly saying “no, we can’t, because of the kid and stuff…”
I love travelling, I love going improvising without having to answer to anyone: this has been a fundamental aspect while making my decision, in addition to the fact that I believe nature does its course, if it didn’t give me this wish, this impulse there must be a reason.
I’ve always been an extrovert, with plenty of friends. We did sports, went to school and after-school together. Witnessing my friends getting married, having kids, and disappearing, one by one… I haven’t spoken to some of my dearest friends, for over ten years. Simply because, in addition to their personal needs, they have children. We can’t even organize a soccer match because the kid must go to catechism class or attend boy scouts, or go to after-school, or the pool… Things like these led me to believe that having a child means completely sacrificing your life and I didn’t want that, I simply did not. I work in public administration where 90% of employees are women. I manage a department with three female colleagues. These three ladies disappeared in turn, for 2 years at a time: from when they got pregnant and during pregnancy, to post-partum and the start of kindergarten, taking sick-leave for the children until the age of three. This also influenced me quite a lot, having all your colleagues disappear… One of them is a grandmother now, she disappeared once again. So yes, that was an issue.
Whenever you go on a coffee-break for five minutes, with a colleague, and there you meet some others, and you feel like a fish out of water, as they start talking about baby stuff; poo, baby food, sicknesses… I just turn up and leave.
This is not just something I don’t feel strongly about, but even I think: “lucky me for not having to endure experiences like those.”
I was shocked by the first friend who got married, she was the first friend who had a child at 20, so I was much younger, as her motivation was that she had to, she had to have offspring because she had to leave something of herself to this world. I didn’t like that explanation, I found this totally selfish it didn’t resonate with me at all.
I disagree with the idea of having children solely to carry on the family line, to leave a trace of yourself behind.
That can be done in many other ways. A child should be wanted, with all the implications that come with it.
I have always entirely and utterly convinced that I did not want children. I’m not one of those people who weren’t able to have children, for natural reasons or other reasons, and to justify this they makeup all kinds of stories that they did not want them. I’ve always said since a very young age that I didn’t want children and that was a my choice. My wife knows very well that this is still one of many topics of discussion with my parents, as they never supported this decision, but that’s the way it is. Besides, I don’t usually discuss this topic with other people who didn’t have children. It doesn’t happen.»

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