Giovanni share with us his thought about parenting, which he considers a great responsibility, especially because it is a free choice. He expresses his views also on Rainbow Families and the very concept of Nature, which includes also us human beings but on another level thanks to our education, which comes mainly from the our family background.

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GIOVANNI: «My name is Giovanni Colaneri, I live in Rome, I was born in Rome in 1998, on 12th June 1998, and I have always lived here; currently I study industrial design at university, I hope to graduate this year. As far as parenting is concerned, it is an extremely vast and extremely complex topic, and I admit it is a topic I don’t know much about, but at the same time I have lots of ideas, so I’m also afraid to speak out of turn about certain things. The only thing I can freely say, spontaneously about parenting is that in the end, being a parent is a natural right: everyone can possibly be a parent, become a parent, have children. But, as far as me the idea of having a child, being a parent is frightening, it is an immense responsibility, a responsibility that is underestimated, precisely because anyone can do it. It is more or less like saying that everyone can drive cars but it is a huge responsibility because if you drive a car, you could hurt a lot of people, causing a lot of damages. It’s sad comparing a child to a car, it is a very forced metaphor; but the concept is: bringing up someone means raising a person who will live in a society. It does not matter which. A society, and it means giving birth to a person who will somehow modify it, will somehow give a contribution, and the kind of contribution will depend solely on the way they were brought up. How can you raise this person? It depends on many factors, I can’t even go into detail, it depends on the family, its members, where they live, how their parents lived, economic possibilities; it’s complicated, very complicated.
So, the main point, in other words, it is a great responsibility, not compulsory and for me if people realised this beforehand, not underestimating the importance of this thing, I’m talking in general terms, but yes, let’s say it’s important to keep in mind that it’s not easy and that parenting is a great responsibility.
I was brought up with the idea that you will grow up, find a job, have a family and that’s it.
I was raised by a Catholic family, attended a Catholic school, I have a great respect for religion and Christianity, I’m not a believer, I am atheist, but I respect any belief, anyone, I believe anyone should be respected for what they are and they believe in. So I managed quite easily to get out of this very strict vision of life, on how one should lead one’s own existence. You’re born, you study, you grow up, you study some more, you get a job, you find the “so called” right person, you have a child and that’s it. You live your life in this way. I respect all confessions, all religions, all lifestyles, I believe that the beauty of life is that everyone can be whatever they want and do whatever they want, respecting others… I lost the thread, so I get back to the main concept: I would like to have children one day, bearing in mind that it is a great responsibility.
That’s why I can’t even think about having a child at 23 years old, as it’s not a matter of being intelligent, but rather a matter of possibilities. What I mean is, I live with my parents, I don’t have a job, I wouldn’t know how to raise a person, and how to be part of a society; so having a child would be irresponsible, something reckless. But one day, who knows, I wouldn’t mind finding a person with whom raise one or more children; I don’t have precise plans, I don’t have a clear project as: at 30 I will find someone, at 35 I’ll have a child and at 40 I’ll have another… no. It doesn’t work for me, I don’t make plans. I might reach 50 without meeting anyone, and at 51, I’ll meet someone and will have lots of children, who knows? It is an option. That’s all, I don’t make plans.
Why is there a driving licence test, in order to drive a car, which is pretty simple with a two-month course, you learn and might get even very good at it, whereas for having a child, which potentially can be devastating if raised in the wrong way, both for themselves and the people around them, there isn’t one? I thought a lot about this. Apart that it is not feasible, because you would tell someone that they cannot have children, and for me this is, a priori inconceivable, a dictatorial thing, really horrible; people should be educated, and that’s feasible, an education like in schools, but focussed on parenting, because too many people do it without giving it any thought, I have really seen this very often. The daughter of my confirmation sponsor, one of her daughters, got pregnant the first time at 18, and gave birth at 19. The are really lovely and caring people, smart, they are financially secure, a truly lovely family, but when I look at them, and the father doesn’t have…. I am really sorry to say this, he seems unaware of the world he live in, of what it means to have children, to be close and bring them up, having to help at home, equally sharing the chores, instead of adapting to a pre-existing system where mothers caregivers, and fathers breadwinners, I hate this, it’s an unbearable thing. People, kids get fed up with each other after a week: they wear a pair of socks longer than they stay with their partner. How can you have children with someone you’ve known barely a year? And raise them nonchalantly, “come on, let’s have a child, let’s get a house and a job let’s see how it goes”. No, this thing makes me really shudder. I look at them, hoping with all my heart that they’ll make it, that they will be happy, raise this child and love him a lot, but I fear for the worst about their story. And this is an example, just one example. I’m no-one to talk about these things, as I didn’t have any kind of experience, I had two girlfriends, easy going, I never thought to have children or things like that, I think my opinion is less relevant than someone from the inside, and who had this experience… and that’s it.
Honestly, I don’t want to sound like a know-it-all so I say it sincerely: I’ve heard about it in a TV series, I’ve heard about it in a sitcom, I’ve never heard it in real life, nor from real experiences, This is a medical sitcom, who, in the episodes, they speak about pathologies, of problems… and more than once you see mothers who give birth and both immediately after giving birth or also in the post-maternity period, after a month, several months, years, feel like they want to kill their own children, to throw them off the roof, to abandon them… This is really sad, but I don’t judge mothers because they feel that way, I could never ever even imagine what a mother can feel after childbirth, who knows what science has in store for us, but for now it is certainly not possible. If a mother, after giving birth, regrets it, she has every right, to feel those feelings, no one has the right to tell her that she should not feel bad because she had a child, on the contrary, trying to deny this is wrong, in my opinion: firstly, denying it makes you feel even worse, because you constantly feel anxious, not up to the task, scared, always on edge. If you admit there is a problem you are a step ahead. Then, in the specific case, I don’t know how to solve the problem, but… you have to see how and why you got to that point, unfortunately, I don’t know about these things. It is always a matter of respecting people and what they feel, no one has the right to tell others that what they feel is wrong. So, if a mother has regrets, if she is afraid, and would like to go back, we must try to understand her, try to help her, try to study psychologically and physically this thing, and see how it goes. I don’t know what else to say.
For me a child can be raised by anyone, in any context, in any way, a child… people are born, ok, they are not born from nothing, but from other people, and this is clear. But the desire to raise someone, for me, it’s a noble thing, regardless of who desires it. It is a noble thing because it is a great responsibility and if a person is aware of this great responsibility, and also of the difficulties, the fears, still decides to raise a child who is not his/hers, in my opinion, it is awesome, and if she or he is homosexual, or lesbian, bisexual, or whatever they feel to be, and wants to raise a child, why shouldn’t this be ok? I now… to deal with this topic, I would need someone with a different opinion, to have a debate, but we don’t have one, so I’ll just talk about what I think. Animals, nature: homosexuality exists in nature, we know it perfectly well; what we have compared to animals is the ability to decide, to reason, to analyse and to synthesise from what we can extract from the environment and over the years we got here, and who knows where we’ll be in the future. This is an additional thing, we must not cling to the idea of nature: who are you, a hypothetical you, to say that something is not natural? Why is it not natural? Doesn’t it exist in nature or not? How does it work? And all the discoveries we have made, all the ideas, all the things we have done are in favour of the human being. They are in favour of equality and peace among humans, because, let’s face it, things in nature and beasts are not peaceful, they kill each other just like that. If we had to follow nature, then mothers would be stuck at home all day taking care of children, and fathers would be out hunting for food to bring back home. Luckily, we have evolved, now, ideally, all people are equal, they have equal opportunities, they can do and be what they want to be. For me this is a miracle, really exceptional; not all people agree, unfortunately, not all make this possible, but more and more people do it, this makes me happy, happier. So, going back to the main question, whether or not a homosexual couple can have a child or children, if they wish. For those who know me, these are topics that I take for granted; I’ve been thinking about it for many years, I’ve been saying it to people, we talk about it peacefully, many friends have these desires among other things, so I’ve talked about it with them and for me it’s totally normal. Everything is normal, I mean, normal is an ugly word.
True, I talk in very idealistic terms, for me everybody can do everything, all is beautiful, a bed of roses, birds singing, everybody happy, it’s not like that! Many people can’t do this because they are not allowed, I feel powerless in this respect. If more people thought like that, surely there would be more freedom, more peace and so on. That’s not the case, many people think differently but we have to respect them, trying to educate them in some way, always in a peaceful and respectful way. After all, things are simple as long as there is respect and consent. I have two sides.
One side says: “I want to live my life as fully as possible”, I want to do all, have as many aspirations as possible and fulfil them all; while the other side tells me I should feel responsible for this place. It’s a personal choice, while some choose not to care, not to improve anything, to live life their own way, and that’s fine for me. The way I see it, we should all try to make things the way I think they should be.
And the counter question is: “hence, people who think differently from you, are in the wrong?” I don’t know, I think I’m right. There should be… as I said before, peace, respect and all the rest. So, what I will always try to do, with education, respect, study, culture, I will try to spread these ideas, starting from my friends, who by the way think alike, so I was lucky to find them, and maybe meet people who think otherwise to change their minds. I don’t like the term “change their minds” because it assumes that I’m right a priori, I never take anything for granted. So, for sure, I will always try to question myself, because surely one day, I will find myself with all my certainties, at 50, 60 years old, who knows when, I will meet a 15 or20 year old boy, who will tell me unimaginable things, and I will say: “what? It’s not like that!” but maybe he will be right, who knows. So, always with this idea, I try to go ahead, and for me, this is the right compromise to do the right thing. With this idea in mind, I will try to leave to my children, my friends, my relatives, my relatives’ children, my relatives’ friends’ children, with books, with what I will create, maybe I will make a film on this topic, who knows, everything is possible, I will try in every way to leave a legacy and whoever wants to should do it, in my opinion, who doesn’t should just live in their own small world as they wish, it’s not wrong, nobody is wrong. Of course, it’s difficult to say: “people can do as they please but this is my thought”. It is very contradictory, but we all have our contradictions somehow. If you have the opportunity to do something good, to help someone, why shouldn’t you do it? And this is true for everything, not just education, for anything… a very silly example, really silly: my sister’s current partner, a lovely person really, has a daughter of his own, called Sofia – can I say it?
I’ve said it now anyway, so… Sofia was playing one evening with her cousins, and one of them made fun of her because she fell and hurt herself, she fell down and he made fun of her, and she was really upset.
It’s difficult for a 9 years old girl to understand that maybe a person didn’t mean to hurt, she said it just to make other friends laugh complex mechanisms for a child, she will understand in her adult age, as an teenager, grown up. I saw her crying so I spent 5 minutes trying to make her understand that sometimes behaviours are more complex than they seem, that she should not feel hurt because her cousin loves her very much, he did not want to hurt her. I am not sure whether she understood, she was crying. One day she might think about that conversation and say:”ok, uncle Giovanni told me this thing that helped me a lot”. Even if I will never know, deep down I will know that I tried, that I did a good thing, and this small example can be applied to just about anything. Therefore, this is what I try to do anytime I manage to because it is something that requires an effort, a lot of courage at times, we are human, we make mistakes, so we don’t always succeed, but this is my idea.»

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