Antigone, forty-two years old, reflects on the condition of childfree women in Greece, the country where she lives. Starting from the negative term used for childfree people, she dwells on her personal case: Antigone did not have the opportunity to have children, yet she did not feel much under pressure about it and today she fears above all being alone in old age. On motherhood, she often shares views with her friends with and without children.
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Ecco la trascrizione completa del video:
ANTIGONE: «I think I’m not the most typical case to answer about family, because I’m half Greek and half Argentinian and I have a slightly different mindset.
Of course, Greece is like Italy, they are the most important Mediterranean countries, the core of society is the family and people expect women to have children and also getting married. I didn’t get married, I haven’t had any children, not because I didn’t want to. Now I’m forty-two and I don’t know if I can have them anymore. I would have liked to, I didn’t have the opportunity because I was more interested to start a family and not just having a child to feel more womanly.
There is no word in Greek to describe women who don’t want to or who can’t have children that does not contain a negation. The Greek word is “actenis” which has a negative connotation, it describes a sense of incompleteness, it could also apply to men, they too can be childless. For both it’s as if people with no children were incomplete, in this case very strongly.
So, in my opinion the issue of having children is something we discuss with friends of all ages even those who have had children. It can happen sometimes that friends who have had children say they didn’t think that it would be so, that no one prepares you for it. Everyone tells you to have children and you think everything will be perfect. If after something is not very good, you have no right to complain, you have no right to feel bad because they tell you now that you’re a mom you must be happy.
I think that’s still a taboo, it is still something that is not discussed because women are ashamed and society does not allow them to express themselves. We talk about it among friends who did not want or could not have kids, some of them are happy of their choice, but I’ve heard some who would like to have a child because they’re afraid that if they don’t, they may regret it in the future. If then the situation with your partner is not ideal the pressure is even greater, because that wouldn’t be the right moment for it.
As for me, my mother hoped for a while that I had a child, but then she realized it wasn’t going to happen and she stopped asking me or reminding me. Other than her, no one asks me why I don’t have children, they don’t put pressure on me. Maybe I was lucky, maybe I look like a person who doesn’t care about having kids.
In my opinion, the question would be what is the biggest fear of women who don’t have children. If they asked me, it would be the fear of being alone but on the other hand I think it’s a fear that all people have, because you may end up growing old on your own, anyway. But I think that women without children may mostly fear being rejected from society, because a woman on her own in old age could be seen as a sad person, like an arid woman who has nothing to offer society. But women are human beings and can contribute to society, and they can contribute with what they want and can.»
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