Martina tells us about her life, particularly about her studies at university and about her future expectations, also linked to how the gender gap in her professional environment is preceived by society .
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MARTINA: «My name is Martina, I’m 20 years old and I live in Rome. I’m an only child and I live with my mother since my parents divorced when I was still in elementary school. However, that situation didn’t affect me that much even though I was still young when it happened. From the start, it was very clear to me that living just with my mother was better than living in a household where fights and conflicts reigned supreme.
From a young age, and I’m sure this applies to all girls, people asked me: “How many kids do you want to have? What do you want to name them?” However, I have never… personally, I have never asked that same question to any kid, or rather to any boy. It never occurred to me to ask an 8-year-old boy maybe playing football “How would you like to name your son? Or your daughter?” Therefore I believe this topic is dealt with very early in life, from childhood, because that is the moment our minds are more prone to be shaped, and we receive a large amount of information that throughout life we will process and elaborate. However the question here is, why do we not ask boys that same question as well? Why do we ask that question in the first place?
The idea that self – fulfilment derives from having children, a family, a house, and marriage is outdated in my opinion because many other things can make a person happy with their life:
career, health, friendships, love, which can be considered as a general concept, love towards family, friends, a pet, children or towards our parents. Because, if we’re on this earth at the end of the day, someone must have looked after us, whether it be a parent, a grandparent, an uncle,
someone…a teacher… a person who took care of our upbringing, of our schooling and our emotional education. I don’t think this question has an answer, well, society answers it for us.
From an early age, society instills in us the idea that fulfilment derives from happy family life.
This doesn’t make sense to me as there is so much more to life than that. But how do we change all of this and become better adults than those before us?
Since our minds are shaped from an early age, our family life when we are younger, prevails over our future life: the people we come in contact with, our family of origin and especially the way they raise us. Perhaps nowadays it’s less rare to see a little boy play with a doll, pretending it is his child, pushing him around on a stroller. Back then, when I was a child at least, it was very common to see girls playing with dolls, naming them and saying how old they were, changing their diapers, and doing a set of things that emulated motherhood. Why do we emulate motherhood and not fatherhood? Why emulate maternity at all? It’s always the same question: motherhood, like fatherhood, is not compulsory. Somehow, maternity is often seen as a duty, as well as a right, whilst paternity more a right than a duty, because men can also be fulfilled through career only. Whilst a woman is never seen as fulfilled only through her career and the love of the people around her. It is as if having a child determines a person’s life only if said person is a woman. Maybe because motherhood is experienced on a deeper “biological” level, because you carry the child for nine months when in reality everyone makes their contribution in the process. So why not translate this also into habits and aspects of daily life?
I study biology but I would like to get into medical school and become a doctor. As for universities, there is no actual barrier based on gender. If a boy wants to graduate in Educational Science, nobody will stop him, nonetheless, it is a very rare occurrence given how we are raised in our society. Lately, on the news and online, I happened to hear that women are more inclined to caregiving while men are inclined to technical subjects. But that’s not true, because a good friend of mine studies aerospace engineering and, while it’s true that there are mostly men, I don’t see why if I feel this need, if I have this type of interests, I shouldn’t pursue them, only because I’m inclined to caregiving. I believe we are all inclined to caregiving. We may or may not have this urge.
If I love to be around children and I feel inclined to take care of them, I should be able to do it regardless of my gender. This distinction is rather pointless, and it may also affect the choice of your university, because it might be difficult to see… let’s take an example. I’m often asked what do I want to major in, when I say I want to do paediatrics the general comment is: “Sure, because you’re a girl” Can’t a man be a paediatrician? My paediatrician was a man. It’s not relevant here, but even in the medical field women are more likely to become gynaecologist, paediatricians, or other professions connected to… midwives, nurses… which are all linked to caregiving, and childcare, while men are more likely to become surgeons.
My family doctor once told me, when I said that I wanted to be a doctor: “What do you want to specialise in? Surgeons or NGO doctors do not have time to have a family, you have to stay home with the kids. You can still be a doctor with a private practice, to better manage your time.” What if I wanted to be an NGO doctor and go to Africa? Nobody should stop me. Why, if I am a woman I can’t do what I wish? The same goes if a guy wants to be a gynaecologist. I don’t see the problem.
Going back to my friend who studies aerospace engineering even my mom often says: “your friend studies engineering, she’s a tomboy!” Is this still the way we look at things? I mean, is it still so widespread? Why people still think that if you choose a technical subject at University you are a tomboy or anyway inclined to more masculine subjects?
I hear these comments quite often, not directed to me, because medicine and biology are subjects studied generally by all genders. They can also be linked to caregiving and maternity in some ways. So much attached to a woman’s role. After all, there are women in engineering, architecture, and even in the military. Although regarding military forces, it is much harder for a woman to enrol in the Army or the Military Academy, than if you are a man. If you are a woman and you manage to enrol, you will be under so much pressure, it’s a tough environment to adapt to, people will treat you differently and have expectations, that are not real expectations because everyone expects you to fail. They think that you won’t be up to the task, that you won’t succeed, as the job is not suitable for you, because you’re a woman. It’s outrageous that in today’s society there are still gender inequalities both on work and social levels. We can find all kinds of people within society: intelligent and foolish people, uneducated and cultured people. So perhaps we can somehow “accept” that someone thinks in a flawed or obsolete way to current times. However, from a professional point we expect to interact with educated people. People whose ideas are up to date. From an occupational standpoint, how can there still be a pay gap, and also a motivational gap between men and women. A woman has to work three times as hard to reach the same level and she will still receive a lower wage. It simply is very rare to see women in high career positions, as a manager or an entrepreneur, which are positions generally given to men. The moment she reaches these positions, people think she got there because someone helped her and that it isn’t thanks to her skills, her studies, or her intelligence. People always assume she’s where she is because of a man who supported her, someone she leaned on to go up the professional ladder.
I believe some masculine terms that indicate professions aren’t necessarily wrong, as long as there’s a feminine equivalent: in Italian, there isn’t a feminine for “physician”, well, there’s “dottore” and “dottoressa”. But the “general practitioner” only has the masculine form. So I ask myself, since Italian stems from Latin, I have done Classical studies, and I know for a fact that Latin also has a neutral form. Why don’t we use the neutral alternative for terms that need both a masculine and a feminine form? This could be also done to avoid masculine or feminine sequences where a term that is suitable for both is used. Of course, it shouldn’t matter whether I am called “dottore” or “dottoressa” as long as my role is equally regarded.
I’m also interested in non-conventional subjects even though I’m good with scientific subjects.
I’m also a bit of an idealist, and I love astrology. I did some research and I found out that when someone is born, each planet is associated with a sign. And even more so the Moon, although it’s not a planet, which gives the name to this project (Luna), it’s linked to maternity. The moon is Cancer’s ruling planet, and the Moon in Cancer is connected to motherhood, characterising maternal feelings, They tend to be protective and want what’s best for the other, even sacrificing something and give it to others.
Personally, at the moment I don’t have the wish to have children, even though there are people my age, some acquaintances of mine, who felt the need to have them. I honestly don’t know if I’ll want to have them. My mom often jokes about the fact that I’ll never give her grandchildren because I’m ambitious, and career-driven. I know who I want to become and what I want to distance myself from. Honestly, I don’t know if I want kids in the future. If I’ll ever will, it will need to be a decision taken responsibly, not just driven by instinct, but something to ponder on, because having a family is not easy, especially since nowadays, relationships don’t last. It may also mean being ready to consider that without any warning, you may find yourself raising kids on your own. This is what happened in my own family, so I can certainly have an all-round view on the topic. I don’t want to bring another child into a world where there are conflicts, anger, and misunderstanding, rather than love and peace, things a child needs to be surrounded by.
I used to work at a summer camp, and there I was told, as I remember from my childhood, that many kids go to summer camp because their parents are not at home, so they go there because their parents need to work or they simply don’t want to take care of them. Why have a child in the first place? It doesn’t make sense. You should have a child only if you are aware of what to expect and if you’re able to handle it. Therefore, I don’t know if I will have children, I know people, women who do not want kids in the future. Personally, in my family, the older women in my family always had kids. I also know women that had kids carelessly: they either were too young, or without a stable relationship, without enough finances to support a child from the moment of conception onward, that implies doctor appointments, possible issues that may arise during pregnancy, to the moment the child can be independent and fully able to look after him or herself.
Nowadays relationships don’t last very long because knowing people is easier and people are harder to please. Before, if someone came into our lives we tended to adore them simply to escape from family dynamics, forcing a type of lifestyle that wasn’t suitable for younger people. That has been the case for my mother and for my aunt who got married when they were very young just to leave their family home and because they wanted to actually start living their lives. That rarely ever happens today, and if it happens it’s not usually for that reason. Our mothers got married to move out of their homes and to start their own lives, so they’re unlikely to give such a burden to their daughters and sons, even though there are still people who would. So relationships don’t last very long nowadays simply because we have many ways to know people that we may like more. While back then, when our mothers were young, people got married out of interest. Going back to our grandparents’ times, marriage was the norm, as the norm was being married until death, in spite of existing affairs and the marriage being already broken.»
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