Michela tells us of her life and her views on motherhood, discussed with friends and family.
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MICHELA: «My name is Michela, I’m twenty years old, and one day I’d like to have a family, get pregnant and give birth to a boy or girl, who will make me proud in the future.
My parents have been separated for a couple of years and since then, I’ve been living with my mother, who has always been present in my life. I can say the same of my dad, although he lives far away and has another family now, but he is always present. Both love me in the same way and they will always care for me no matter what, as they always have. The role which has a greater impact is that of my mother: she raised two baby girls on her own, even though my father was there, but not very often, she managed to hold onto a job and look after her family too, she picked us up from school, took us to sports practice, when we went out, she would take us places, she was always there for us. This is why I admire her so much as a person, she’s a very strong woman and has fought through many battles in her life with the determination she has always shown us. I really look up to my mother and I’d love to be like her one day. The only problem is that since she’s really present in my life she tends to be a bit intrusive, but well, that’s how mothers are, so it’s not a big deal. My dad plays a secondary role, he’s present but I don’t take him as a role model.
My mother left me and my sister total freedom regarding this choice. She’d like to have grandchildren in the future, just like every woman who had children. She’d love to become a grandmother, but she never forced us to do anything by saying things like, “you must have children!” One day, even if it wasn’t true, just to see her reaction, I told my mum, “I don’t want to have my own children, I’d rather adopt them!”, I wanted to see her reaction, to which she answered, “If you’re happy, I’ll be happy too. Your choices are more important than what I think”. I really appreciated her answer. Unfortunately, we have no relatives left on my mother’s side, I never even met my grandmother from my mother’s side, I never had the pleasure of having a conversation with her. Luckily, there’s my father’s mother, another important woman in my life. She has been the typical housewife, taking care of the children. She’s a very strong woman, who never hides what she’s thinking, she is very open about everything, even if she has her own fears like everyone else, but she tries to face them in a calm manner. I can surely call her a role model, she’s a strong woman and I love her very much, she’s my only grandmother! On my mother’s side, my aunt decided not to have a family, and didn’t have any children, for a personal choice. Honestly, I think it was a bit of a selfish decision: not because she didn’t want children, but because she is a selfish person, she only thinks about herself and maybe thought, “Well, since I only care about myself, I cannot give birth to children to whom I won’t be able to give the same amount of attention I give myself.” I think she made the right choice, she didn’t have unwanted children who might’ve hated her in the future, or even abandon her. I have to admit though that she is a great aunt, but she did the right thing, it was a brave choice too.
It is a difficult topic of conversation, every time I go out with my friends, the question somehow pops out. But it happens very often and everyone one has her own ideas, or rather I would call them future plans, other friends of mine think that, being 20, it is the right time to enjoy their life and gain wisdom and experience, and only later decide whether to have a family or not. Some other girl friends have already this desire: they wouldn’t think twice about starting a family even at this early age. I always find myself in the middle : I don’t see it as an obligation but more as an experience. Anyway now I have chosen to go to university. I could have chosen not to. I see motherhood in the same way. Hearing these girls talking about having children at twenty, or some who already have children, it kind of scares me. It’s difficult to explain, but in the end, everyone is free to choose, if they’re happy to have a family at twenty, so be it. Those who decide to wait until they are thirty, or not at all, I am equally happy for them, because they think it is right for them. The decision about having children is a very personal one, whether biological or adopted. It is hard to find, how can I say… what works for everyone, among us girls. There it is.»
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