Luca, not ruling out the idea of fatherhood in the future, questions the traditional historical concept which sees having a family as a social duty fulfilling the life of an adult. He instead emphasises how he is more focused on individual realization rather than on building a family.
Vuoi ascoltare e leggere altre testimonianze? Sostieni l’archivio vivo di Lunàdigas!
LUCA: «The theme is always the same. Since marriage and family stopped being a form of social emancipation, a need to acquire a collective, social credibility, I see marriage and building a family as the fulfilling of a desire that as such can be moved forward in time. So in your life, all the more so in the case of the male parent, as it can bypass the constraint, let’s say biological which imposes a tight timeline.
Compared to what was happening in a fairly recent past, I think less than thirty, forty years ago, where the building of a family was a necessary step for the purpose of credibility. Now, personally, I don’t see it as a current or urgent need, nor as a piece to be acquired at all costs in what it will likely be my experience.
It is more likely a possibility one may decide to have depending on many factors and not something to be searched frantically. I don’t think mine is a selfish thought, because I don’t think of parenting as a duty of the species, but more like something which is acquired at the time when the birth actually takes place.
As such, I believe it is a flexible feature, something to take on when it is freely chosen, and when you have the possibilities, not only material and economic but also open to new perspectives, desiring to share that it’s not my thing now, but I don’t rule it out as an absolute value.
Hi I’m Luca, I’m 25 years old, I am a student by choice, and out of a sense of duty. I have many interests, many aspirations and commitments that a child would be a bit like an obstacle for their realization. On a family level, I don’t think I have received conditioning or pressure, even though I come from a Catholic family, with three children and somehow very traditional where not only the family had to be protected but placed at the top of one’s own existence. But I think with my generation, so with our being children, the main focus has been placed on individual achievement rather than collective, or linked to the family.
Furthermore, configure one’s own growth, at least in the early stages in particular on education, also at university level, unavoidable leads to bring things forward.
So on a family level, perhaps the expectation or the need is no longer there, but the desire can still be alive.
Personally, I think about it from time to time, that’s pretty normal I think, especially when you think of your own legacy, that often goes through another individual. Personally I would not want to put on another person’s shoulders, on another human being, my unspoken desires, as I would I like to be the protagonist of their resolution. Despite the skepticism that can emerge from my statements, however, I do not rule out the possibility. I can’t imagine it in the present, nor am I in a hurry or pressed to fit in a model in some context that develops around me and which could influence me.
So I don’t have a precise reference, but I don’t feel like ruling it out a priori nor to affirm it as my founding trait.
There are so many people that take it on a priori, so… veering from what might be a future experience, the hypothesis of parenthood.
In my case, I interpret it more as a possibility which can be a consequence perhaps the realization of some… some characters that I imagine for my personal life, therefore shared life, where parenting takes place within a couple, or in any case in a hypothetical construction and not simply by coincidence.
So I don’t believe in parental duty or the birth bond, but maybe I inherit a belief about the protocol of a good parent.
And I think, as much as it may seem general or superficial, that so many problems arise precisely from education or by choosing parenting too early, maybe in conditions… not exactly uplifting conditions for a healthy upbringing.
And I think is a possibility that it affects my personal decisions.
Although I can’t solve the birthrate problem in Italy, even less in Sardinia where it’s definitely serious, I believe and imagine parenting applied to my case as something that requires a kind of attention and behaviors that I don’t feel I can guarantee not because I am not able but because I don’t desire it. And this right now does condition my choices and my future imagination, as in the models I look at family is not central.
I don’t aspire to become the new Fedez and Chiara Ferragni. Despite this perhaps too selfish exaltation, it comes to my mind the loneliness typical of aging that we are used to accompany with the image of a child, therefore of a person who almost has a duty towards ourselves as parents. Definitely this can be scary where you take a radical position that is contrary to the possibility of parenting, in my case, of fatherhood.»
Vuoi ascoltare e leggere altre testimonianze? Sostieni l’archivio vivo di Lunàdigas!
