Rosella, mother of two grown up sons now independent, tells us about the feelings she experienced during her pregnancies: the sense of responsibility and of being inadequate, the awareness of having a body, the fear of people’s judgment.

Vuoi ascoltare e leggere altre testimonianze? Sostieni l’archivio vivo di Lunàdigas!

Ecco la trascrizione completa del video:

ROSELLA: «My name is Rosella Cugis, I am 56 years old and I have been a mother for 23 years. My eldest son is 23 years old and the younger one 19. I became a mother without having chosen the moment, it happened.
When I found out I was pregnant my first thought was: “I have a disease.” I didn’t think I was pregnant.
And this has happened at least twice, for the first and third child, because I lost the second one and later I had other “hiccups”.
The first thing I thought when I saw my first child, was that I had received a great gift and I felt like the earth had pulled me down. I cried a lot, I remember crying a lot. I thought that from that moment time would no longer be mine. I immediately thought that my life would change forever.
When I had my second child I felt, for the first time in my life, when he was born, that we re not just a brain, head, thought, but I felt like a beast. It was perhaps the most beautiful gift that I’ve had from life.
Raising children, especially when they were little, it wasn’t easy, because I was afraid of not doing well,
I was afraid of what others were thinking, because I’ve never been very balanced, not even now. I always thought, “Am I wrong? Is it right?” But right now it’s my kids that point me in the right direction, because listening to them more than others, I understand where we need to go, where they need to go and where I have to go with them.
Maybe for 23 years now, it’s the first time, the first period in my life, maybe the first year, that I feel they are grown up, because they both work.
Before falling asleep, my last thought is for them, but at the same time, I’m not sure how to say it, I think they ‘ve become independent, I can do little for them, apart from being present. But there’s little I can do.
It’s the first time in 23 years that I’m thinking, “All right, whether I’m there or not, they go their own way”.»

Trascrizione sardo campidanese:

ROSELLA: «Mi nant Rossella Cugis, tengu cincuantases annus e seu mama de bintitres annus, su fillu mannu tenit bintitres annus, su fillu piticu tenit dexennoi annus.
Seu diventada mama sentza de essi scioberau su momentu, est capitau.
Candu mi ndi seu sàpia ca femu incinta su primu pentzamentu chi emu tentu “tengu una maladia”, no apu pentzau de essi incinta.
E cussu est capitau a su mancu duas bortas, po su primu e po su de tres fillus, poita su de segundu dd’apu pèrdiu e poi apu tentu atrus inciampus naraus.
Sa prima cosa chi apu pentzau, candu apu biu fillu miu, su primu, apu pentzau ca emu tentu unu grandu arregalu e mi seu intèndia cumenti chi sa terra m’essit atirau cun is peis in bàsciu. Apu prantu meda, m’arregordu ca emu prantu meda.
Emu pentzau ca su tempus de cussu momentu in poi no iat a essi stètiu prus su miu. Apu pentzau imediatamenti, de custu momentu, sa vida mia càmbiat po sempri.
Candu apu tentu su segundu fillu, mi seu intèndia po sa primu borta in sa vida mia, chi no femu, poi sopratutu candu est nàsciu, ca no femu sceti ciorbeddu, sceti menti, sceti pentzamentu, ma mi seu intèndia pròpiu, cumenti a nai, una bèstia.
Est stètiu fortzis su prus bellu arregallu chi apu tentu de sa vida.
A cresci is fillus, soprattutto candu fiant piticheddus no est stètiu fàcili, poita tenemu, cumenti nai, sa timoria de no fai beni, sa timoria de cussu chi pentzànt is atrus po cumenti fademu, poita no seu stètia mai veramenti in ecuilìbriu, mancu imoi, pentzu sempri ap’a essi sballiendi, at a essi giustu.
Perou in custu momentu funt fillus mius chi mi donant sa diretzioni de aundi andai; poita ascurtendiddus poi cumprendu, ascurtendu a issus prus che is atrus, cumprendu aundi depeus andai, aundi depint andai issus e aundi depu andai deu cun issus.
Fortzis de binitres annus a custa parti est sa prima borta, est su primu perìodu, fortzis su primu annu, emu a bolli nai, ca ddus intendu crèscius, poita funt traballendi totus e is duus.
Candu mi dromu, prima de mi dromiri s’ùrtimu pentzamentu est po issus, perou a su stessu momentu, no sciu cumenti si depat nai, deu pentzu ca funt indipendentis, deu potzu fai pagu po issus se no a nci essi. Perou fativamente potzu fai pagu. Est sa prima borta de bintitres annus a custa parti, chi pentzu: “Vabè nci sia o no nci sia deu, issus andant”.»

Vuoi ascoltare e leggere altre testimonianze? Sostieni l’archivio vivo di Lunàdigas!