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VERONICA PIVETTI: «I’m Veronica Pivetti and I have no children. I’m sorry, but I really don’t have children, I never have and I never will. Why?
This is a question that I have never asked myself, and that is because, frankly, I don’t think it is a very interesting question. I can only affirm that I don’t have children. I’m 49 years old so I have no intention of having any. Clearly, it wasn’t something I was interested in, obviously so. I say this because the things I like in life, I… I don’t always get them, of course, nobody does, but oftentimes I do get them, most times actually, or at least I fight extremely hard to get them.
When I care about something I try to create it, I try to achieve it, I fight hard to get it, so, in short… sometimes this journey goes well, it leads to great results. Other times, something you want, you get it after many years, even after dozens of years. If I don’t have children, if I don’t have a child, it means that I never desired one, but this doesn’t mean I don’t…
I have absolutely nothing against those who have children. Oftentimes you have the feeling you need to show off your reasons for not wanting a child. I don’t have any because clearly, it wasn’t that important to me. I’m also very glad, to be honest, that I don’t have them.
I don’t know if I have any maternal instinct. I don’t have children, but I have dogs that I adore, so there must be some maternal instinct in me somewhere. But I don’t even think having it is that common, I think there’s a huge misunderstanding about motherhood.
I don’t want to lecture anyone, now it might sound nonsense… that I’m a crazy person who isn’t making any sense, and that… but for me, they make a lot of sense so I’m speaking my mind. I believe this is the right place to tell us these kinds of things. That’s why I was pleased to participate in this project as we never talk about women with no children, we never talk about women who are different from the others, from the rest of other women.
I believe a child is a great luxury not necessarily from an economic point, even if nowadays it is, but I believe that it is a luxury because being a mother is not for all, being a parent is not for everybody, in principle, I think. But now we’re talking about women so we can ignore fathers, we don’t care, we don’t deal with them. Let’s talk about women.
I don’t think being a mother is for everybody. Some horrible mothers around are the living proof of this, In my opinion, they are at the origin of many complexes and troubles for their children, but why? Unfortunately, having children is simple, the thing in itself seems to be fun. It comes comes from a very popular and satisfying act, but what does it take to get pregnant?
Many women may struggle, who don’t get pregnant easily, but most of them have children. Since it is something that does not need much hard work to get it, what really needs to be learned is parenting; and that is not so easy, I believe being a mother is one of the hardest jobs in the world, so I guess it is not for everyone… I think the beliefs that surround motherhood are very dangerous.
As soon as a woman has a child, all of a sudden, she has absolute control over them. This is a very dangerous, risky, and serious idea. The family as well sees her as the one who knows how to act. I do not think that a woman who has a child, especially if it’s her first child, knows what to do. As when you start something never done before, you can’t possibly know it, so I believe you must learn it.
I am quite afraid of the “sacredness”, quote unquote sacredness, around having children so women who have a child are instantly able to take care of them, to raise them, to accompany them into adulthood, to make their life complete, to make them autonomous. I don’t see many people like that around me.
I probably am a very lucky daughter, because I had a mother…. who has always been very supportive, and who has listened to me, and she also valued me a lot. I have been lucky enough, and I talk about both of my parents, two parents who always asked me: “What would you like to do? What do you feel more inclined to?” This is not obvious to everyone, it’s not so… so obvious. As for me, it was obviously very important, because I was not… I didn’t have a strict upbringing, that’s for sure. Certain things were imposed on me though, for sure.
Slowly with age, I acquired the things I lacked… I created the things that weren’t clear in my head before, I took back what I did not have, but this is logical, that’s life… That’s the beauty of it. But I believe some mothers abuse the power they have over their children.
Abuse of power exercised by parents, grandparents, by the family in general, towards the last born who is kind of venerated, which is a bit too much so, at times, but it is also subject to coercion. I always end up asking myself: “you’re all focused on the newborns as if they were sacred, but do they listen to them, do they ask them what they want to do? What do they like?” This always leaves me a bit perplexed, to me that a new born is like a bomb waiting to explode.
I say this with great love towards children, although I didn’t have them, I always try to empathize… It happens to me very often, it may sound silly, When I see children in baby carriages, it wrings my heart a bit. I don’t know why, but I think about how little freedom that child has in there. Not because they’re in the carriage, as it must be a very comfortable, being in a stroller must be wonderful being carried around, it must be very pleasant in a way, but what is hard is getting out of that baby carriage, it’s difficult. I think that some people my age haven’t got out yet, they are stuck in that baby carriage. So, I won’t hide that seeing children in carriages gives me some anxiety because I think about the time when this person will stop receiving all that love, that serves as a lifeline and other people’s ideas: when will they get out?
On the other hand, in many cases, people have the luck to have understanding parents mothers who know how to step down, who know how to… take that famous step back. It’s a very talked-about topic in politics, although nobody does, anyway… So, when do mothers take a step back?
This is what I wish for children, which is also why, when I see them, I smile but with a bit of concern, because we wish them a great future but great difficulties ahead of them. Newborns have a hard time, not for learning to talk and walk. Those are all things, you know… that are technical, it’s everything else that scares me. But that’s not why I didn’t have children. That’s not why I didn’t have them because, as I said, the reason is I didn’t want to.
It’s very simple, useless to look for reasons. I didn’t feel like it, it wasn’t among my priorities and when something is not a priority you don’t do it, you go on all your life and then you realize: “I don’t have a child”, well obviously…
This is not the reason why I haven’t had them, but I observe what happens around me, and I ask myself a question I ask myself to what extent a mother is ready to put herself aside to let her child express themselves, grow, and develop as they want, him or her, it doesn’t matter, we are talking about a child.
How much autonomy a mother is willing to give her child right away. Life is based on that, on how much you can handle by yourself, you have the freedom to show what you are.
To me, that’s what’s scary, and again, I don’t think it’s a job for everybody, I think very very few can do this job.
When you contacted me for this… I was pleased because I’m always the one who’s asked to give opinions on vacations or sales or whatnot, and I say, “No thanks, I’m not interested, why, they’re having a sale?” Being a comedian, I am I always have to deal with this kind of crap.
In this case, I said, “I’m glad they’re looking for me for this!”, I feel like I’m very suitable for this interview of yours, for this project of yours. The reason why I accepted is that I believe this project is very important and useful, very useful because it shows another point of view. It shows a different point of view, since I assume that you interview women my age, around fifty years old. Maybe you also interview thirty, twenty, eighty-year-old women, because they’re all women. We are women until the day we die, age doesn’t matter, I think it is very important to showcase
different points of view of people who have all made this choice. Maybe you also interview women who couldn’t have children and are desperate because of it.
I’ve the utmost respect for this too, but I think it is very important to give voice to this, and above all, to explain that women are equally important even if they don’t have kids.
This is something else that I find really outdated: the judgment on women with no children. But besides that, as far as I’m concerned, professionally speaking, the things I create, I build them meticulously, I see them come to life, I don’t generate human life but I generate projects, I generate work, things that concern me and that, moreover, involve a lot of other people.
I feel a sort of maternal instinct towards my projects, I take care of them like children because they give me the most joy, what makes me happy, this is fundamental. My work fulfills me, not a child, so I give my work all that love and dedication, sleepless nights, because sleepless nights are not just for mothers who breastfeed, for whom I have great respect. I did many sleepless nights for my work. “So, you are focused on yourself” Well, yes I am, and I find it very healthy, I don’t think it’s outrageous to focus on something that fulfills you, in which you express yourself, all the time you have. Not at all. Not only that, since my work is not solitary, but it is always very social,hundreds of people on the set, in theatre we are a dozen… lot of people, anyway.
I feel a sense of responsibility for the people I work with. There’s this sense of family, I believe this job builds a strong sense of family. I think that this project you’re doing is very rare… probably you are the only ones who explore this aspect of womanhood, of femininity.
You talk about women who certainly do not give up their femininity. I believe the those you interview would not give up their womanhood regardless being mothers or not. Both things exist separately and they don’t have to necessarily intersect. Giving voice to so many women, from very different backgrounds, who have all made that choice, is extremely valuable, I think that this work is priceless!
Another advantage I have is my job, is that I do things that are seen, and will be seen for many years, whether it’s television or theater… Many people come to see you in the theatre, When a show ends the next one starts, television goes on and on, just think of the reruns. We still watch TV products from the ’60s. In short, what I have done will still be broadcasted somehow, If the projects are good, if they work, they will continue to be broadcasted. Even if they are not good, we continuously see so many reruns, so the idea of leaving something… Frankly I have never even asked myself this question. Who should I leave it to? But, what is there to leave?
I even struggle to bring home something for myself, to speak my mind, I’m certainly not thinking about my descendants. I’m not so pretentious to think about descendants. Who cares anyway, whatever will be left will be there.
Look, if they throw me in a dumpster when I die, it’s fine for me, I don’t give a damn, they can burn me, I don’t really care, I don’t care where I’ll be, because at that point I’m done with it: the experience is over, we go somewhere else, so I don’t really care. I don’t care about the rituals same for my legacy. Clearly, for my material possessions, well, strangely enough… I wonder about it more. I ask myself “what if I manage to build a little house for myself, who will I leave this to? I don’t know, I will think about it. Hopefully, in quite a few years’ time. As for the rest, as far as my heritage is concerned, I don’t think I have such a huge heritage.
I’m very proud of what I have, artistically speaking, culturally speaking, whatever… I’m very happy with what I have, I’m very happy with the path my life is taking but if I end up losing everything, so be it. We have lost, I think, wonderful things, immeasurable artistic heritage, wonderful paintings, wonderful writings, I think the world will survive without me! The world is not going to stop for that.
There is not one person or any persons towards whom I have a…. towards whom I feel like a mother. I may feel like a mother to my dogs, but we are more “colleagues”, literally, such as: “that bitch of an actress”… There is no one, not even… with my nephews, for example, they are teenagers, I am more of a companion… No, I don’t think I exercise my maternal instinct with anyone. Probably sometimes with my business partner, we co-own a production company. Now and then I realize that I have to protect her, and she does too, as an act of female solidarity that I believe has not much to do with maternal instinct.
Maternal instinct probably has thousands ways to manifest itself, if you have it, it will come out somehow, even with a smile more maternal than seductive, I don’t know. There are times during the day and in life when this sense of motherhood, if you have it, will come out. But as for me, no one in my life has taken on the role of a child.
I never fell pregnant and that’s okay, I never really looked for them, poor thing!
I’m ready to say even more improper things if you like. Yes, yes, I have said what I think and indeed, I am glad because I don’t think I’ve ever dealt with these topics. It is difficult to have official channels ask you these questions and give space to topics like these, with such freedom.
It’s easier to be found a discussion mainly about motherhood and then there is one woman without children who is invited to such a program to say why she has no kids and she instantly becomes the odd one out that everyone looks at, everyone pins down… because that’s how it is. While I feel empowered because we are many, I understand.
I’m going to say something that may be wrong but I’m saying it anyway because I think it’s right. I think there are a lot of mothers who regret being mothers. I feel very strongly about that, and I have a great… respect and also feel great affection for both the unwanted children, who have been brought into this world and for these women who felt they had to do it because of social conditioning, for cultural or economic reasons.
There are a thousand reasons, they can be silly, trivial, or brutal… these women have found themselves in this situation and I believe that being a mother not wanting to be one is like a prison, It is difficult to bear. I think no pain compares to that, for a woman, I believe becoming a mother without wanting to, is a terrible sentence, When a woman wants to be a mother, it means she has the tools to be one, I believe it’s the best thing that can happen to you I’m convinced of that.
When it happens and you don’t want it but you’re forced to become one, for reasons beyond your control, I think it is a real condemnation. It hurts me that there are women who are forced to be mothers just because they are in countries where you must have… The reasons why motherhood is so widespread, they often are quite trivial… they are linked to random factors. For example, living in a country where everyone have children and you would be different, but you don’t have the strength or the tools to leave, nor the culture even to just think about going away.
Maybe you convince yourself that this is what you want. In my opinion, this kind of obligation and coercion towards people who should be free to decide for themselves I find it unbearable and I feel breathless just thinking about it. Really, I think it’s very painful indeed, and you cannot have happy children.»

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